The Second Stage of Grief: Anger

close up picture of white rose

The first stage of grief is denial, followed swiftly by the second stage of grief – anger. Mum’s death was so unfair, and I was so cross this was happening to her. Why mum? She was 64 and a beautiful soul. She had devoted most of her adult life to God, and spent it serving […]

The First Stage of Grief: Denial

The first stage of grief is denial

They say that denial is the first stage of grief. In the first days and weeks after mum died, I would find different ways to google “how to handle grief”, “stages of grief”. I was desperately trying to find that panacea, that silver bullet, which would instantly cure the intense frenetic emotional rollercoasters I was […]

The best of friends

the best of friends

I have been blessed by the best of friends, who have been there through the worst of times. I went to an all girls’ secondary school, and there I met some of my best friends to this day. There are a group of us – smugly called the “Lovely Ladies”, and when we are together […]

A very happy childhood

I was very fortunate to have a very happy childhood, owed almost entirely to the love, care and support of my wonderful mum. As the youngest of three sisters, I grew up happily as the baby of the family. I, of course, lamented the inevitable swathe of hand-me-downs, but relished getting away with all sorts […]

Memories of Mum

Photo of mum in locket

There are so many things about mum that I took for granted while she was still here. I only realised it once she was gone, and now I just have those memories of mum instead.   Her pink fluffy dressing gown. Her little notes.  Her sage advice in difficult situations. Her cups of tea and […]

Remembering Mum

plaque on bench featuring the message, Our Mummy Jayne Barrass - always look for the good.

Yesterday I went to visit the tree where we scattered mum’s ashes.  Seeing that tree is always a cross between a sucker punch and a homecoming – I feel all at once with mum, but also unbelievably sad that she isn’t physically there with me.  Whilst Buddy was leaping like a lamb across the long […]

Mel Robbins & my self-help epiphany

Coffee cup with smiley face drawn on lid

I’m not exaggerating when I say that listening to the Mel Robbins podcast changed my life.  18 months after losing mum, I was floating along in a cloud of depression and felt completely detached from the world. I had developed some pretty bad habits during this time – I was overeating and overspending (though the […]

In sickness, and in health

My husband’s love and care has been a shining light these past few years.  My husband, Matthew, is a loving, loyal and unfaltering partner. He has been there through the good times and the bad, without hesitation and without question. There to hold my hand and find my biscuits, there to tuck me into bed […]

Mental Health & Me

My life has been peppered with mental health struggles for as long as I can remember.  As a young child, I would spend evenings worrying about my day at school, and whether I had upset someone. I didn’t know how to handle that fear, and I would be consumed with panic overnight until I discovered […]

Are you there God? It’s me, Hattie.

Are you there God? It’s me, Hattie. I have often thought about you, and what you meant to mum, and the enormous peace that Christianity offered to her. Do you think religion could feature in my life too, or has too much happened, or is it too late? So, please tell me, God – where […]